I just want to find you wherever you are. I’m tired of searching. I don’t know mother effer. My life is just a mess what do i expect from it anyways. I think about who’s ganna be at my funeral if i kill myself. Honestly I think no one, but my family would show up.. LOL
Is that to much to ask for in my life?!?!! I don’t know anymore. I feel so confused and my heads spinning. It seems people that cared for me, no longer care. There fed up with me and don’t wanna hear it from me anymore. I’m just alone. I wish people would stop trying to give me advice and just try to support me. I don’t know. I just want to die. As each day comes closer, I come closer to killing myself. I’m to upset and confused to write anymore. My guidance counselor didn’t help shit nor did my parents. I asked them if I could transfer schools and she said no. Nigga fucken listen to me! If I moved then everything be prefect! I could start new without this shitty life here. But no she sends me to fucken counseling cause she says I have depression. I DON’T NEED A COUNSELOR, I JUST WANT TO MOVE AWAY FROM HERE. She tells me just wait 1 and 1/2 years its not far and it’ll go by fast. KJFSDJKD FUCKEN NO IT WONT! DO YOU REALIZE HOW LONG THAT IS?! I just want to dance.. thats all I wanna do in my life. No one seems to understand that and support me. I rather be poor but doing what I love to do then be rich. No one understands me. I’m done, I should just kill myself now. I have nothing to lose. No one understands me, No one supports me, I lost all my friends. Fuck it. I’m done with my life.
I can’t help but say I miss you. I always been wishing it would work out us between us, but I guess it didn’t. I wish I could have done so much better, but I guess I couldn’t. I guess, I have no choice to move on. If I said my heart wasn’t, It be such a lie. I wish I could have been with you in your time of need. It’s to late now, so I shall just keep moving on. I can feel my life just falling apart on me. I’m losing everything and its falling apart. My friends, school, and church its all falling away from me. I can’t help but say I need someone to help me. I feel like I’m stuck in a hole and no one cares about me. I just feel like I’m in a corner of a room crying my ass off. No one seems to understand how I feel, how much pain I’m going through and how tough its for me. They just tell me to work harder and get over it. I don’t want to be told to work harder, please shut the fuck up if thats all your ganna tell me. There’s so much more than me working harder, its just you don’t understand. I’m tired of asking for helping, they just give me the same old damn ass advice. Just work harder blah blah, don’t you think I am trying? Did you even brother to think there’s more in my life than just this? Where do I wanna go 5 years from now? Not even I know. I seem to have lost all respect and faith in myself. Oh one thing people, when you give people advice make sure you don’t make them feel like crap even more. I am working hard, I don’t want to hear it from you. I can’t help but say my sadness is turning into anger and then back to sadness. I hate when people tell me shit, thats why I hate talking to anyone know. Let me say this, when I say I’m struggling I don’t want your damn advice, I just want you to be there for me and try to comfort me! But you dumb ass people think “oh you know I should just voice my opinion without understanding how the damn ass person feels.” My goodness I would just rather not listen to you. I can’t help think, but just wanting to die as I write more. I lost everything in my life… What more do I wanna lose? I’m just scared to go to hell if I kill myself. I think once my uncle passes away, my life is just going to be done. 2 deaths in less than 4 months… Shit. What am I ganna do with my life? 16 years of nothing good, but just rotten luck… God, just please tell me what are you trying to do? Are you just fucking around with me as a joke? Do you wanna see me fail so you can laugh? Did you just create me so you can just laugh at me failing. I’m losing my faith in everything. I can’t keep running this race anymore. I just want to quit. Always trying to put a smile on my face is getting so hard. Please, just make my life worse whoever is reading this so It be easier to kill myself. I wish people faced no pain… I wish for so much, but it never come true. I’m just human and I can only take so much. I’m on facebook, waiting for someone to talk to me.. How sad is that? HA! I’m so pathetic.
